Feeling good about Self as a Quality-of-Life Experience
I would like to make really clear what the difference is between Direct and Indirect Motivation and especially how the outcome of each is completely different, because that is what the whole theory is about.
If you thoroughly understand that difference, if you see how the outcome of Direct Motivation is healthy and the outcome of Indirect Motivation is pathological, then you will be better able to help yourself clean up your own Motivation. Then you will be able to help yourself in Restoring your Sense of Self!!
Throughout this website I have put quotation marks around, and hyphens within, the expression ‘feel-good-about-Self.’ I did that to indicate the pathological way of feeling good about yourself: ‘feel-good-about-Self’ as a Substitute Sense of Self.
However, it is important for you to understand that there is a healthy way or version of feeling good about yourself! In case of Direct Motivation and the person having a healthy Sense of Self, I don’t put feel good about Self in quotes because it has a different meaning. It is a Quality of Life level/kind/way/version of feeling good: a normal sense of satisfaction that often follows an achievement. Please clearly understand that there is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself. One clue that it’s the healthy version is that there is no life-or-death flavor to it (from being used for a Substitute Sense of Self).
Here are some examples of healthy ways in which we can experience feeling good about Self when our Motivations are Direct. Direct Motivation is possible only when there is a healthy Sense of your Self, so there are no Hidden Goals. No ‘Vehicles’ are needed. The focus is on the actual content of the action or envisioned obvious, normal, healthy kind of goal.
The items in this list provide a direct contrast to how ‘feel-good-about-self’ is experienced when it is used as a Substitute Sense of Self, see that list here.
- Sense of your Self as an ongoing presence, not depending on anything
- Independence from others
- Independence from achievements
- Feel acknowledged unconditionally just as a general condition of life, don’t need it from anyone in particular, or from most people
- Feel unconditionally accepted
- Feel unconditional bonding with others
- Feel included while speaking up and being oneself
- Use opportunities to speak freely when appropriate, based on Direct Motivation
- Have a voice in a group
- Tell freely about things in your personal life when appropriate, depending on your nature
- Feel balanced and not overly intense when experiencing emotions like joy, grief, sadness, and anger
- Have a sense of ‘reality’ about your ‘Self’ – your ‘Self’ is ‘real’ to you
- Be realistic about your potential and possibilities
- Feel independent from which position you have in a group and accept what fits the moment
- Be able to have fair judgment
- Know fully on every level of awareness that you have a right to exist
- Always in touch with something or someone you experience as ‘yourself’
