Annihilation

In this theory: a strong perception of being overlooked, not being seen and heard, not being taken into account, not having any impact in one’s environment. More…

Black Hole

Metaphor for the subconsciously-experienced emptiness of No-Self which irresistibly fills itself with ‘feeling-good-about-oneself’ from getting approval. More…

Dependency

Being unhealthily dependent on the outcome of our actions to gain a sense of existing as a person via ‘feeling-good-about-ourself’ from getting approval. More…

Direct Motivation

Motivation which is ordinary, simple, and based in the present, with no Hidden Agenda of filling a subconscious need based in the past. More…

Direct Relationship with Self

A sense of being your own purpose, which comes with personal empowerment and relying on your own criteria. More…

Early Childhood Survival Strategy (ECSS)

When an infant’s doesn’t get consistent positive responses from her caretaker, the infant ‘tries harder’ to fill the unmet need, by (subconsciously) choosing particular behaviors. This lays the foundation for unhealthy motivation. More…

Ego-References

Subconsciously-accepted requirements to feel and behave certain ways, and achieve certain results, to feel approved, as a substitute for feeling like a ‘real person.’ More…

Enmeshment

An unhealthy relationship between child and primary caretaker. The child’s identity and motives are merged with the adult’s, resulting in extreme dependence on approval. More…

Fear of Annihilation

Terror in anticipation of the experience of being unheard by, and invisible to, others. More…

‘Feeling-good-about-oneself’

A fear-based emotional ‘High’ from accomplishing what leads to approval from the parent, and which serves as a temporary and unhealthy substitute for a sense of being a ‘real’ person. More…

Fear of Loss of SSoS (LoSSoS)

A constant subconscious fear of losing the ‘feel-good-about-Self’ which results from the primary caretaker’s approval, which would throw the child and later the adult into feeling invisible and unreal. More…

Hidden Agenda/Hidden Goal

A purposeful seeking of a situation or event in which the ultimate purpose of parental approval would manifest itself and that leads to ‘Feel-good-about-Self.’ More…

Hindrances

In this theory, anything that prevents or threatens to prevent success in getting the (unhealthy) emotional ‘High’ the person needs to experience themselves as a real person. More…

Indirect Motivation

The motive for doing something is not what it appears to be; instead, the real motive is to get the temporary emotional ‘High’ which substitutes for a lasting sense of being a ‘real’ person. More…

Indirect Relationship with Self

Sensing yourself as a ‘Self’ only via achievements or the responses of others, giving you an emotional ‘high,’ instead of a healthy abiding sense of being who you are. More…

Inner Conflict

In this theory, two or more competing but different inner ‘mandates’ to work towards realizing a SSoS which leads to high anxiety as there is a no-win situation. More…

Lack of Natural Sense of Self/Lack of Sense of Self

The person never developed a natural, ongoing, inner knowing that they are a ‘real,’ independent human being. More…

Motivation

In general what creates an incentive or urge to do or avoid something. Motivation is the drive that determines behavior. More…

Natural Sense of Self

The lifelong subconscious sense of being a ‘real,’ independent person which develops according to Nature’s plan and timing, if the infant gets the necessary positive responses from the parent. More…

Psyche

Everything about us which is non-physical. More than ‘mind’ – the whole of our consciousness – including our subconscious and conscious thoughts, feelings, motives, beliefs and the experience of ‘Self’ and needs. More…

Quality-of-Life

A sense of everyday life as good or lousy. Quality-of-Life matters specifically have no relevance to or impact on the experience of Self or Being. More…

Rage

Intense frustration which emerges when one can’t do what one feels MUST be done to get the sense about oneself that one is ‘alive’ and ‘allowed to be.’ More…

Real Self/Authentic Self

One’s Self is experienced in the healthiest, most integrated way as an independent and autonomous Being; actions and awareness are based on living experience not contaminated by pathological motives (= Natural Sense of Self). More…

Restored Sense of Self

Steady awareness of being an entity not dependent on the outcome of fulfilling conditions, that functions as an inner home of freedom and self-love. After healing, this fills the inner emptiness. More…

Self-Sabotage

A symptom of an active SSoS-oriented System that helps us back on the track of ‘real life’ when recognized as such. More…

Sense of Self

How, and by what criteria, we subconsciously experience that we are a Being. This theory distinguishes 6 layers in ‘Sensing the Self,’ and describes healthy and unhealthy ways of sensing oneself. More…

Substitute Sense of Self

What Nature creates in children who are not regarded by their care-givers as independent autonomous Beings; a compulsive drive for achievement-based approval, to feel a fleeting imitation of ‘Being’. More…

Substitute Sense of Self-oriented Goal

A subconscious, ultimate goal – of an action or behavior – of gaining a transitory emotional ‘High,’ falsely sensed as being a ‘real’ person. More…

Substitute Sense of Self-oriented System

The entire subconscious complex of needs, behaviors, motives, habits, beliefs, goals, and fears whose only objective is to generate achievement-based approval, giving a transitory emotional ‘High,’ falsely sensed as being a ‘real’ person. More…

Trance

In this theory, the state of awareness of being unhealthily preoccupied and driven by the past and unable to truly focus on the present. More…

Vehicle

An activity or behavior that is subconsciously selected to serve as a tool or means to offer an opportunity to achieve the ultimate desired state of ‘feel-good-about-Self’ which substitutes for a sense of ‘Being.’ More…