Some examples of Ego-References
This list might be helpful to you as you fill out the forms provided in the Motivation Check pages of this website.
To get a better feel for what aspects of a person’s life can become an Ego-Reference, here is a list the ones I had. These were my own crucial character and behavior issues I felt I needed to work on continuously for improvement. These Ego-References were compulsive, addictions, and formed the cornerstones for my Indirect Motivations and my entire Substitute Sense of Self-oriented System. Note the ‘always’ unrealistic demand on the person, no allowance for circumstances. This helps degrade Quality of Life.
Remember that as Ego-References, these are held subconsciously, and can require considerable introspecting to discover that you hold these beliefs, that you, as an infant or toddler, subconsciously accepted these conditions and requirements you desperately need to fulfill. So even if you don’t immediately recognize any of these as yours, they still could be. And of course, yours might be different, though some of these are quite generic and undoubtedly universal among people with a Lack of Sense of Self, such as ‘I always need to be different from what and who I naturally am. Who I naturally am is never enough, and never fully acceptable.’
- (As a mother): The atmosphere in my family has to be positive at all times.
- I have to always be in shape (physically, emotionally and psychologically) so I am always OK.
- I have to always sleep well, be fit, be in a good mood, look well rested.
- I always have to know what I want.
- I need always to be on time.
- I need to always ‘have my act together.’
- I need to ‘achieve something in life,’ ‘make something of myself.’
- I need to always avoid conflicts and never be angry.
- I shouldn’t ever have/create problems for myself or anyone else.
- I need to do things ‘differently’ (not like other people, to find a sense of being ‘special’ )
- I always need to be different from what and who I naturally am. I can’t just be who I am; any situation requires a different adaptation of me as a person.
- I always have to ‘stand out’ from the herd, from the crowd.
- (As a mother) I need to spend enough time with my children and husband, and also achieve great things in the world, and also have my house clean and well-organized, and always be in a good mood and never be angry.
- I need to never complain.
- I have to be successful and admired.
As you go through your Recovery process , I invite you to make a list of your own Ego-References based on the form provided in the Motivation Check Pages of this website.
Where the reader goes next….
or as an illustration to the concept of Ego-References…. Chasing Butterflies, a Story….